Friday, March 28, 2008
4 days had past, 5 more days to go. The prep camp was awesome. It really was a blast. Got to know lotsa stuff I didn't know before. I overcame old barriers, had heart-to-heart talks, made new achievements, met new friends, bumped into new weaknesses.. There's just alot of things that happened during that 4-day event. Meaningful moments which were both wonderful and saddening; heart-touching as well as heart-aching...
I don't know what else to say.. It needs experience to understand how I'm feeling. All I could say is that it's all jumbled up together. Hmmm.. The camp somehow made me a different person; made me look at things differently. Okay.. At least now I'm able to accept the fact that some things are just meant to be the way that it is.. Oh, and guess what.. Remember when I said sumthin' about some bottling-up-these-feelings-inside issue..? Okay.. I think the bottle is almost filled to its brim now. Shit. As always, there are pro's and con's to it.. Hmmm.. The good news is that I feel better every time I let my feelings win me over. The bad news is that I found my temper. It builds up so quickly now. And I hate myself every time it does. Hmmm..
Control. I need to have it so bad.. I know I've said this before.. But still I'm afraid if I couldn't take it anymore and probably just blow up at the wrong place, at the wrong timing, at the wrong person.. Damn. Maybe I need a diary. Maybe I need a punching bag. Maybe I need a vacuum cleaner to suck up all these bad feelings. Maybe I just need someone to talk to.. Or maybe I don't need anything at all...
Man.. If only it is so easy to handle..
Well anyways, I'd be hoping that the actual camp would be a success. Yeah.. No more screw-ups, no more shit. Just plain old fun and happy moments.. Godspeed. Rock on. \m/
Yours truly,
Zakk
Note To Self:
it's just a game, man
nuthin' but a game
you know it ain't real
don't let that scene ruin your mood, zakaria
most importantly..
don't let it kill you
repeat after me:
i'm not envious, i'm not envious, i'm not envious
reminisced;
- 9:27 PM
Friday, March 14, 2008
reminisced;
- 9:30 PM
Monday, March 10, 2008
Damn I'm freakin' excited! Nyiahahaha... If only I could get it all on tape or something.. Hmmm.. Should I include some jackass/punk'd situation into the scene...? Hmmm...
Nah...
So tomorrow will be a day which none of us will ever forget. I hope they won't, 'cuz I know I won't. So... Yeah. Bring me tomorrow and let it rip!
Note To Self:
3 is a crowd.
i know.
and i don't wanna be that intruder.
i won't have nuthin' much to say anyway.
i don't even understand those conversations you guys had.
he likes you.
i can tell.
well..
i just had to make that phone call excuse.
i just had to leave.
(though i was hungry till my tummy's croaking like a sick toad..)
i'm sorry.
damn.
i think too fuckin' much.
reminisced;
- 11:34 PM
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Alright, so here's the plan.. I'll so-called conspire with my manager and colleagues to reserve a table specially for them on Wednesday. Then, I'll recommend mum and dad to have their annual anniversary dinner at my work place, saying that they could use my 20% staff discount voucher attached to my pay slip, and also that it'll be cheaper. Hopefully they'll agree. Heh. Okay.. So on that day, they'll arrive and be ushered to their seat. They'll receive tip-top service. (it's a conspiracy, remember..) And then they'll order their food and stuff, yada-yada.. Oh, and I'll try to get their favourite love songs on air too.. I hope.
This is what I plan to do.. After their main course, they'll be asking for the bill, right? Hahaa.. Okay, during which, my manager will come to them, saying that someone had actually settled their bills ('cuz i'll be paying for it all! and they won't even know it! nyiahaha...). And then, knowing my dad too well, I'll be expecting a commotion. There'll definitely be a slight confusion. Haha.. Okay, and then it'll begin.. A staff will arrive with the cake, along with the ultra big card with the words 'Happy 19th Anniversary!', written by myself, Zul and Aidah.. And then mum will start to cry with dad trying to make her stop crying.. Nyiahahaha...... Purrrr-fect.
It will be the best anniversary gift any two parents will ever have. And I'll go to that extent to make them happy. Hmmm.. I'd rather make use of my fortunes for the ones I love. What's the use of having money when you're feeling empty inside? For those who knows me, you'll understand..
Oh.. And I pray to God that my plan will turn out smoothly, as planned.. Amin.
Shhh... Whatever written here lies here and here only. Heh. Guardarlo un secreto.. Adios.
reminisced;
- 11:35 PM
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Asking me to look you in the eye when you talkIs like asking the child in the wheelchair to walk
You wouldn't do it so don't tell me
To brush my hair or go play PE
You get mad when I don't turn in my homework on time
But time at home isn't yours it's mine
I pay attention in class
I pass every exam
So what persay am I doing wrong?
Why do I get shouted at for staring at walls
In lessons if I'm already ahead of them all
I don't sleep at night and I play with the lights
There are codes on my desk and ladders in my tights
I really don't care but you seem to
You seem to have issues with everything I do
Yesterday was yellow and today is blue
So forgive me today if I can't talk to you
Difficult is as difficult does
Ask me to perform on stage and I could
But ask me to walk down a crowded street
And you'll find I'm way out of my league
Sometimes I'm late because I miss the bus
I did it on purpose the first was too full
I might throw a hissy fit in the middle of town
Because they've taken a poster down
It bothers me they're allowed to change my world
Without actually having to tell me first
You say that I'm rude when I don't laugh at jokes
But to me they're just not funny you know
Well I guess you don't because you still pick on me
For a huge imperfection nobody can see
Touch my shoulder, and yes I'll scream
You say I'm naughty I say you're naive
This whole situation makes me sick
I'm NOT naughty, I'm autistic.
ClearGreenCrystal
ps: how normal is normal? is it a crime to be different by just a little bit? is it hard to understand the way they are?
reminisced;
- 9:37 PM
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Your graceful countenance beatifies me
The innate beauty that you possess
Captures my whole being... my very soul.
Wherever I go or stay, I always think of you
Even in my solemn slumber I see your face
In my vivid imagination, I can not erase you
I dream of you... my fairest one.
If only I have a face like that of Adonis
Or perhaps an intellect like that of Rizal
Who were paragons as being a handsome & a hero
Then maybe I would not have some difficulties.
A guy like me was born an introvert
A lone dweller in life's secluded horizons
As a piscean I am quiet & sensitive
Yet, I can be a friend, an admirer... a lover.
I have not got enough guts to converse with you
Because I think... I am made a dreamer
And my only means of expressing my sentiments
Is through my pen... my world of thoughts.
Marvin Brato
ps: sounds familiar? at least this marvin brato dude has once been in my shoes to write such piece. heh. word.
reminisced;
- 11:39 PM
