Monday, April 27, 2009
Up then down
It’s the way it’s always been
The up is short
A fleeting smile
A momentary grin
Then, the crash
Back to Earth
Left crying on the floor
The up is gone
The moment fades
The want to leap, no more
Once down, down to stay
Seems easy just to lie
Simpler to give up going up
Simpler to wait to die..
I never thought I'd do it, but 1/4 of my REMT assignment is done. Yeah.. The minus-one demo is ready. Wow.. NUFAN's Solitaire is one tough as hell song, but yeap, I've made it. So i'm left with 3 more things to do: tab down the vocals and harmonies, record every instruments plus vocal tracks in real time in studio, and finally the ultimate mixdown. Man, it feels great. I just need to keep on planning my schedules, and executing everything according to plan.
Alright.. By tomorrow, I'll have to complete my POD concept proposal as well as its Gantt chart. I just hope there won't be procrastinations to slow things down. I need all the time I can get. Time is a race.
Note To Self:
i'm getting back on track
nothing else is going to slow me down now
reminisced;
- 10:43 PM
Saturday, April 25, 2009
thank you..
..and i'm sorry.
Note To Self:
let go of the past.
the future will come in time.
now is all that matters..
reminisced;
- 10:20 PM
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A man cannot hate if he has no more fears.
He cannot feel cold if he has no more skin.
He cannot take blame if he has no more sin.
By closing his eyes he is free of distraction.
By closing his mind he is free of attraction.
Choose not to rejoice, and he'll never regret.
Choose not to remember, he'll never forget.
If a man never sleeps, then he need not awake.
If there's nothing to fix, then there's nothing to break.
If he makes not a choice, then he'll never choose wrong.
If he gives not his voice, then he'll ruin not a song.
When things go wrong,
Sometimes the best way to keep from feeling bad
Is not to feel anything at all...
...and sometimes that's the worst thing to do.
So what would be the bigger mistake?
The situation itself?
Or how I dealt with it?
Shit. I shouldn't have came clean about it. Now I just fucking hate myself like how I hate the whole situation. Hmmm.. Bleargh.. I wish I had that Men In Black gadget that could wipe out one's memory in one single flash and then no one will ever remember what has been said and done. One snap. And that's it.
It won't be the death of me. I've been through the worst pile of shit, though this is considered a runner-up. I need to focus. I promised myself I won't fuck up this year. I promised myself I won't break that promise. Or I promise I'll hate myself even more.
Note To Self:
it will not matter.
Note To Those In Class:
do me a big favour..
just forget whatever things I said in class.
i trust you guys.
i've never begged before,
but i'll make an exception.
please?
reminisced;
- 10:37 PM
Monday, April 20, 2009
Hmmm.. Second chances. Everyone deserves them. But then a second chance is all I can give. Blow it, and that's it.
Note To Self:
i can forgive,
i won't forget.
reminisced;
- 11:03 PM
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Disappointed. Devastated. Heartbroken. Full of hatred. Guilty. Disappointed. Destructive. Denial. Oh wait, have I mentioned disappointed? Yeah. Really disappointed.
Now the golden question.. WHY?? Can someone just give me one good fucking reason why it has to happen to us of all the people in this whole fucking universe?! Gahhh!
reminisced;
- 10:45 PM
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I feel your words, the tender trembling moments start
We're in a world,
Our very own,
Sharing our love that only few have ever known
Wine-colored days, warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights, when we are one
Speak softly, love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live until we die
My life is yours,
And all because,
You came into my world with love so softly, love..
reminisced;
- 3:56 AM
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
'Nothing Gold Can Stay' - Robert Frost
reminisced;
- 12:16 AM
Monday, April 13, 2009
That still remains
Is left alone
To remain so free
That when
I return to life,
I may not
Return to nothing.
Will it come together,
This precious world of mine,
Before I remember to forget
What is left of time?
Shucks.. It happened again today. It felt like a massive implosion. Kaboom. And Panadols, they don't work no more. I'm immuned. Gah.. Hmmm.. Well at least it faded little by little. The nap was helpful, I guess.. Well I just hope God gives me the strength to go through what's left of time... Though I do admit I'm not worthy enough.. I know I'm hardly there and I've never tried hard enough to do what I'm asked to do.. Man..
Note To Self:
some things we don't need to show
because it won't matter at all
just enough for you to know it yourself, zakaria.
reminisced;
- 10:47 PM
Friday, April 10, 2009
Joe, Billy, Johnny, Syamilo & ZakkNote To Us:
i remember the first time we played Dammit together;
gosh it was orgasmic.
i remember the last time we had Indian food together after our last gig;
oh my.. we were sky high.
those awesome moments..
i suddenly crave for them back
i remember the first time we played Dammit together;
gosh it was orgasmic.
i remember the last time we had Indian food together after our last gig;
oh my.. we were sky high.
those awesome moments..
i suddenly crave for them back
hmmm.. patience.
i just hope we all have it
'cuz i still believe in that one rock show that'll change the world.
i just hope we all have it
'cuz i still believe in that one rock show that'll change the world.
reminisced;
- 11:19 PM
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The world turns to dust, under my gaze,
It’s all a great vanishing act,
The world my stage.
My goal?
To set foot into the world way beyond our own,
Past this stage and into something similar,
Though never the same.
I slip through the cracks, the surface,
No one can see me there, hear me there, touch me there,
Though I'm there, I'm there every second...
Every second in a world other than my own.
That world is everything, mine, could ever thrive to be,
So strange and unwicked... I lose myself,
Until the pages fall silent and my world ends.
Note To Self:
no one will save you...
...no one but yourself.
so.. get up and fight the war you started!
reminisced;
- 12:25 AM
Monday, April 6, 2009
With silence balanced on my lips
Hoping words won't fall off my tongue
The strings holding fingers
Playing hearts like marionettes
On a dead scene I hang
Contemplating guilt
As the rope curling around my neck
Gains strength with every inch it closes in
Not worth speaking
About the masquerade of holding hands
And the false pretense called tears
This is nothing more
Then a blank paper hanging..
Everybody wants a change.. But they can't just sit there and wait for the change to happen. Instead of waiting, why not BE the change?
Hmmm.. Honestly, I'm kinda tired of always trying so hard.. So hard that I forgot that I'm supposed to be the one in-charge of my life. Heh. Why bother make everyone happy when you eat yourself inside out..? Why try so hard getting what you don't deserve..? Why wait for answers to nothing..? And yeah, why live in denial..? Shucks.. Things have got to change, Zakaria. Do one thing: BE the change.
School's opening in less then 3 weeks. And I need a plan. Badly. I don't want to flop again. Yes, friends are important, but I've had enough of that "fun now, despair later" tragedy. They knew what they're doing when they decided to have fun, I didn't. And the feeling always suck went they get good grades at the end of the day, and I, well, I always disappoint myself. The irony is that we had the exact same fun, but shockingly different results. Hmmm.. Well I'm sorry guys, but I can't afford to risk it again.. Hope you guys understand..
So yeah.. I really hope this new change will be for the better.. I wanna see those smiles again on my parents faces. Yeap. Till then, the change starts now.
reminisced;
- 11:13 PM
