Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Well, maybe I'll just scribble some bits here and there. But don't expect anything more than 1000 words. I'll probably just write about 999 and a half words? Heh. Bummer.
Hmmm.. 2008.. What can I say... Well, it surely marked the start of early adulthood for me. It's a special year. So special. A lot of things done changed now. There's just a lot of countless incredible yet priceless life lessons that I learnt. Hmmm.. Honestly, I could really cry thinking about it.. But then again, crying won't rewind back time. And I won't wanna change anything that ever happened.. Those happy times, those not-so-happy times.. And yeah, especially those rock bottom periods.. And I'm truly glad they happened, 'cuz I won't be who I am right now without them.
Well, next year's definitely going to be another awesome year.. I won't have any extraordinary resolutions. Maybe just one; to stay who I am within.
Oh yeah.. And this I've got to mention.. Haha.. Tomorrow's officially gonna be one full year now since it happened. The 1st of January 2008 was the day that sparked the fire that destroyed the whole forest, only to create an Eden replica afterwards. I could still remember that one text message..
text message: hey.. so do you have any new year resolution haha
Well it might not be the exact phrasing.. But it's the content that matters.. Heh.. So yeah.. It marked the beginning of a friendship between two very-different-yet-similar-in-many-ways individuals. Like literally two different worlds.. Haha.. It's like angry heavy white music collided the groovy up-beaty black music. Just think about it.. Children of Bodom meets Usher. Hmmm.. Maybe Eminem best describe this combination; angry white dude doing heavy yet groovy up-beaty black music. Erm.. Yeah.....
The fact is, she just taught me a lot of valuable things, whether she realized it or not.. Well I learnt what sacrifices meant, how to value the term family even more, how to be a listener, how it's okay to be who we are, how it doesn't matter how others think about what we are, how it's okay to fail countless times before we finally succeed, how to let go little by little, and most importantly, how true friendship works..
Everyone knows that life isn't all about the happy things.. We all go through not-so-happy things at one point of time or the other. We fail, we learn, we try again. It's a never-ending cycle. We just got to be strong. 'Cuz we are strong to begin with. Sometimes we just have to hold onto whatever we have to hold even harder. Like they say, there's always a rainbow somewhere out there after a terrible storm. Heh.. It's funny how a pessimist like me could come up with something that optimistic. Well, she taught me that, in a way..
Okay, I'm a couple of minutes early, but whut-ta-heck... Happy New Year!
Note To You:
my 2008 won't be the same without you
and for all that, i thank you, Emma..
reminisced;
- 11:45 PM
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
That stab me through my stomach,
From the inside to the out.
Cuts it open and all my wicked organs fall out,
Choking and wheezing from the lack of my acid inside.
Splinters from Winter still infect my remaining rib cage.
I kneel beside my chemical spill,
And try to put my pieces in their place like a jigsaw puzzle.
Everything fits like it should,
Like I never thought they would.
Everything except my plastic lungs and cardboard heart.
They aren't welcome back in this town.
Because one is a bullet and one is a gun,
And I'm not sure which is which one.
But the last thing I want to do,
Is bleed and breathe more toxic ink.
My body is my own canvas,
And I'm a waste of paint.
Almost finishing the last chapter of Broken Mirror. Scary. Okay, maybe not so scary for you.. Maybe I just could imagine so well; the pain, the agony. Dang.. Addictions and withdrawals. They just have to go together, don't they?
Ring around the roses
A pack of overdoses
Atissue, atissue,
They all drop dead.
Heh.. But you do know that addictions don't necesarry mean drugs, right? He could be addicted to horse-racing betting, she could be addicted to soap operas, that little infant could be addicted to breastfeeding he keeps wanting more.. Erm.. Yeah.. It's a wee bit dangerous in a way.. I mean, being addicted to something couldn't be a good thing, right? I don't think the addict could even tell the difference between his wants and needs. He'd do anything to get what he needs (or wants), and if there's a dearth in supplies, he'd even dare to beg, saying a little's enough. But how enough is enough? And when he doesn't get what he needs (or wants), he'd then curl up into a round flimsy ball, with blue bubbles coming from his mouth and he'll rot till he sees the light... Okay crap, I lied. Maybe he'll just sit hugging his knees, stare into complete nothingness, and bite his fingernails.. And maybe shiver a little bit. Yeah. Oh well.. Hmmm.. Why are we talking about addictions again?
Note To Self:
a tale to be told
a twist unfolds
stranger than fiction
an absurd reality..
a prince
(that ugly frog prince)
waiting impatiently for his one true love first kiss..
..and suddenly got abducted by the dark side.
a young darth vader was borned.
the end.
ps: i'm really trying to lose myself, just forget about my issues, so i could sleep tonight. so mind the absurdity in this post. merci.
reminisced;
- 10:47 PM
Monday, December 29, 2008
So caught up with the mundanity of living
And harassed by life's petty problems
We forget to see its pleasurable side
Until we come to the very last stick
Which is then cherished, till it burns a finger.
Another packet is easily bought tomorrow,
But life is not so easy to purchase,
Once spent.
I came across this quite old local book, Broken Mirror, while I was browsing through the shelfs of BizIT library. It's a compilation of true stories about drug abuse. Heart-breaking, yet inspiring. It sort of moved me. It is somewhat different from A Million Little Pieces in the sense that the stories are written by local Singaporeans, and I can really relate to it. It's so close to home. This touching memoir of ex-drug addicts as well as drug addicts serving their death sentences kind of opened up my eyes even more; that life shouldn't be wasted just like that. Choices. Life is so full of choices. We just have to be responsible in choosing how we want the endings of our story to be. So.. How do you want your story to end?
Note To Self:
the greatest gift, you have -- your family
reminisced;
- 9:57 PM
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Melody choking on extinction
No voice to sing the whispers of an unbeating heart
Untimely death
Unfaithful death
Unforgiving death
Music echoes beyond places it was heard
Beauty lost to the absent ear
No beat to steady the waning rhythm
Unending death
Unconquerable death
Unappetizing death
Lifeless instruments begin to decay
Sound incapable of existence
No chorus reaches its audience tonight
Words on paper abandoned by birth into death...
Note To Self:
i can't get over last night's dream..
too real, just too real..
i dreamt of everyone
almost everyone i know..
they seem normal
happy, unaffected
they didn't even realize
it was my ghost saying goodbye..
maybe it's really true;
nothing really matters when we're gone..
reminisced;
- 11:16 PM
Thursday, December 25, 2008
a word, greater than silence.
A stillness, grander than any motion--
a twitch, greater than violence.
Heh.. Couldn't take it, really.. I just had to get off work at 4pm.. To think about working full shift today.. HAH.. Yeah.. It was a crazy idea.. Oh, and by the way, ladies and gentleman, I'm not superman.. I can't do everything on my own, you know..
Note To Self:
it almost exploded today..
could've erupted..
fury put on hold..
tried turning to someone
just anyone
but no one was there..
always depended too much on the wrong person..
wow..
so much for a merry christmas..
reminisced;
- 8:33 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Haha.. So maybe you could tell how the gig at City Plaza JB went. Like really really, it was so much different from the gigs I've been in Singapore. The difference? Well, most of the crowd in Singaporean gigs attend the gigs just to watch and support their favourite band. A much more decent 'groupie', I suppose. Like after their band finished performing, they leave together with the band, or sumthin like that.. On the other hand, almost everyone in the crowd in that JB gig went on supportive to whatever band was playing, be it Reggae, Hardcore, or even slow Indonesian Indie! It was amazing how they could sing along, dance, and also mosh to every song - literally every song. Haha..
It was a good thing that Syamil was there to accompany me. And yeah, of course, Shafiq, for his warmest welcome to his hometown. We got to know his friends, so-called tradition, and cool spots - I so love that Rasta shop! Haha.. Nice..
And yeah.. As usual, there's always that girl at the rock show.. Haha.. Kinda cute.. Seemed like a mummy's girl, though. I didn't even think of getting close. Just a few metres away. I wouldn't wanna bring back bad memories to Singapore, would I? Heh.. Oh well.. She's the girl at the rock show..
Oh, and I managed to capture this crazy crowd from my phone.. Just look at the size of the crowd.. They all made flying possible. Check out a dude in purple t-shirt, who stage dived like nobody's business.. Haha.. Oh yeah.. It is only a short clip, 'cuz after that '16 seconds, the mosh pit just started to get bigger and bigger that my phone would be at stake.. Haha..
reminisced;
- 11:22 AM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Yep. That's the title of my very first hip hop r&b song.. Awesome experiment. Heh.. Who would've thought I'd come up with that. It's like two different worlds from two different dimensions.. Heh.. And those two worlds, they collide.
I'll upload it once it's ready. For now, it's still a minus one. Haven't write the lyrics out yet.. Maybe tonight? Or not.
Oh.. And OAG, here I come.. Shibby. I just hope I won't get lost there tomorrow..
reminisced;
- 11:16 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Hmmm.. I feel blessed I had a morning shift..though I missed the morning Aidiladha prayers.. Well, at least I have my family by my side.. And I am really blessed to have them all..
I miss my other Grandma though.. Hmmm..
reminisced;
- 8:40 PM
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
reminisced;
- 11:30 PM
Thursday, December 4, 2008
i'll be among the co-writters of that book..
awesome.
publishing mid next year..
till then..
reminisced;
- 12:03 AM
