Thursday, May 22, 2008
what you said to her just now really kinda pierced into my heart.
it burned a hole through it,
a hole so big i'll never forget what you said..
i know i don't stand a chance,
and so i'm treasuring every single moment now.
well at least i'll have these memories to myself,
when i'm down there all alone six feet under.
reminisced;
- 9:12 PM
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Happy Birthday Zul & Aidah!To The Bestest Bro In The Whole Wide Universe
You're 17 Now
Though You're Always So Bigger Than Me
One More Year To 18
Hope You're Ready To Set Sail On This Huge Ocean Of Young Adulthood
Stay Big
To The Bestest Sis In The Whole Wide Universe
Happy 15
Irritating, You Are
Sometimes To The Point That You're Prone To Being Ignored
But That Just Makes You So Special
Never Stop To Irritate
Yours Truly,
Your Jack-To-Your-Ass-18-Year-Old Bro
So Full Of Shibby-ness
reminisced;
- 9:14 PM
So mystical while asking yourself
Why stupidity follows your every move?
Wretchedness
Witchcraft and parody
Sublime my mind
Fester, squeal and scream
Some things are just meant to happen
Most fates are disagreeable
Often paradoxes of each other
Hexagonal diagrams cannot describe life
But merely how to be meek
Allowing such harsh futile sounds into my mind
Is somehow calming and fertile
Until the transition, that is
Coalesce to control
Confer and infer
All space within this voided proximity
These spirits don't haunt with haste
But many speak and scream
And scream they must
For they have labours that shadow
Amplitudes of white noise surround my head
I cannot even read my own thoughts anymore
I am finished
Erased, destroyed and cut out
It matters not about perspective
I give into the pressure
To let it collapse my entirety
My darkened spiral of love
I despise the plague that I am
This is no more
I am no more
There is no pain, anymore
Nothing can hurt me
Nothing can stop me
I am the alpha and omega
The beginning and the end
Erased, destroyed, finished
And all is left silent.
Note To Self:
as long as i don't think about it,
i am fine..
hell, i feel better.
nuthin' can dominate my mind.
my life,
my control.
reminisced;
- 9:13 PM
Monday, May 19, 2008
Okay.. So what's been happening in my life.. Well, there's just too much to say, but all of which are like being left unsaid. Maybe they're better off unsaid. Or are they..? Heh.. Alright, maybe I'll share a bit or two.. It won't kill, right?
Hmmm.. I think I'm becoming more and more self-restrained, in the sense that I hardly speak my mind at all. Verbally. I don't know.. I feel like I'm no different than a mute. Okay, even a mute knows how to say "fuck you" using his own sign languages.. Man.. It sucks. Really. I hate myself for that.. And I just hate it when people start to judge. Like.. Imagine this situation.. You don't have anything much to say or just don't know what to say, but the other party expects you to say something. So you remain silent. Within a few minutes, the other party would then think that you're a low-life anti-social, who doesn't mix with others, and then go around telling everyone about it. Sheesh.. F-tart. (well, that's just the way they are, huh.. they never change.)
Well sometimes I just really feel like shutting myself off from the world. You know, like standing in the background and not getting involved. Just watch as the world goes round, as a spectator.. I wonder how this world would be if I cease to exist.. You know it's really interesting when you notice something that others don't.. Like how that girl looks at that guy secretly, and how that other guy reacts when he catches that girl looking at that guy secretly.. But then again, you know it's also frustrating when you can't stop observing the world around you.. Like you get stuck in your own dimension. Shit.
I need a spark. Just a tiny one. A tiny spark that'll set the world on fire.
Introversion's getting worst. Gotta break that barrier. Fast.
Note To Self:
confidence.
so hard to build,
so easy to collapse..
oh..
and sleep is also known as i'm awake.
my eyes are shut,
but i'm still aware of what's going on around me.
i'm in control..
i think.
this doesn't make sense..
this song tells it best.
reminisced;
- 9:15 PM
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
What a catchphrase, huh.. An obvious contradiction, yet it makes perfect sense. It's hard, I know. I mean, having to let go of something so precious in your life, it's like taking away an arm. Torturous? Maybe.. But wouldn't it be much more torturing, if we have to wake up every single day, thinking about it, and not being able to move on..?
Thinking about it makes me sad.. Yeah, it's easier said than done. Heh. I don't know, it somehow reminds me of my late Grandmother.. In a way, that is.. Reminiscences.. Though it has all became a history of the past, it seems so yesterday.. Man, I've never expected her to go so fast. I loved her more than anything else.. And I still do. She's someone nobody could ever replace.. But then.. Maybe God loves her more than I do.
"If you love something, let it go.."
That's the same phrase someone told me the day she passed away.. But I couldn't.. I just...can't. I couldn't accept the fact that someone who'd do anything to see us family happy, gone. Just like that. Hmmm.. I thought about her everyday.. But soon, I realized that I couldn't be living in denial anymore. "Get over it, Zakaria, or let it haunt you for the rest of your life.." Well, it took me 3 months to finally let her go.. It was tough as hell, but I just had to..
"If you love someone, let him/her go.."
So yeah.. It's a cliche, I know.. But nothing lasts forever. Maybe it's not fated. Maybe it's already being written. Nobody knows.. Think about it.
Note To Self:
if you love something, let it go.
if it comes back to you, it's yours forever.
if it doesn't, then it was never meant to be...
oh..
and our conversation just now struck me into writing this..
heh..
reminisced;
- 9:17 PM
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Why? Hmmm..
Anyways.. Fourtones Studio rocks. Heh. Ultimately because the drum kit just happens to be my dream kit. Serious shit.. Tight skins, awesome setup and arrangement, shinny and crispy cymbals, and finally, Iron Cobra double pedals! Man, it should be placed in my bedroom... Heh. And I've never felt so pumped up and happy before when playing the drums.. Such shibby-ness.. I'm gonna be a regular there. Count on that..
Okay.. I'mm'a try to sleep now.. Cheers.
Note To Self:
i hope you've given enough thought to it..
reminisced;
- 9:18 PM
Friday, May 2, 2008
A day to forget
A day to remind you of those times we had
A day to ponder upon
A day to portray
A day to relate to what happened today
A day in the present
A day in the past
A day in our future, forever it'll last
A day full of memories
A day full of bliss
It's a day of us together, a day like this..
Note To Self:
i love today.
thank you...
reminisced;
- 9:19 PM
