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Friday, March 28, 2008
The Control
Dear blog...
4 days had past, 5 more days to go. The prep camp was awesome. It really was a blast. Got to know lotsa stuff I didn't know before. I overcame old barriers, had heart-to-heart talks, made new achievements, met new friends, bumped into new weaknesses.. There's just alot of things that happened during that 4-day event. Meaningful moments which were both wonderful and saddening; heart-touching as well as heart-aching...
I don't know what else to say.. It needs experience to understand how I'm feeling. All I could say is that it's all jumbled up together. Hmmm.. The camp somehow made me a different person; made me look at things differently. Okay.. At least now I'm able to accept the fact that some things are just meant to be the way that it is.. Oh, and guess what.. Remember when I said sumthin' about some bottling-up-these-feelings-inside issue..? Okay.. I think the bottle is almost filled to its brim now. Shit. As always, there are pro's and con's to it.. Hmmm.. The good news is that I feel better every time I let my feelings win me over. The bad news is that I found my temper. It builds up so quickly now. And I hate myself every time it does. Hmmm..
Control. I need to have it so bad.. I know I've said this before.. But still I'm afraid if I couldn't take it anymore and probably just blow up at the wrong place, at the wrong timing, at the wrong person.. Damn. Maybe I need a diary. Maybe I need a punching bag. Maybe I need a vacuum cleaner to suck up all these bad feelings. Maybe I just need someone to talk to.. Or maybe I don't need anything at all...
Man.. If only it is so easy to handle..
Well anyways, I'd be hoping that the actual camp would be a success. Yeah.. No more screw-ups, no more shit. Just plain old fun and happy moments.. Godspeed. Rock on. \m/
Yours truly,
Zakk
Note To Self:
it's just a game, man
nuthin' but a game
you know it ain't real
don't let that scene ruin your mood, zakaria
most importantly..
don't let it kill you
repeat after me:
i'm not envious, i'm not envious, i'm not envious
reminisced;
- 9:27 PM
