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Monday, May 19, 2008

The Marbles In Your Mouth

Been trying to update. But I couldn't find the right words to type. Heh. Bummer.. If only it's possible to pen down every single thoughts in our heads by simply thinking hard about it and staring at this laptop screen.. And then *POOF*, all your thoughts would appear on a Word document you just opened, and it'll be as good as how you type them all down. Heh. Wishful thinking..

Okay.. So what's been happening in my life.. Well, there's just too much to say, but all of which are like being left unsaid. Maybe they're better off unsaid. Or are they..? Heh.. Alright, maybe I'll share a bit or two.. It won't kill, right?

Hmmm.. I think I'm becoming more and more self-restrained, in the sense that I hardly speak my mind at all. Verbally. I don't know.. I feel like I'm no different than a mute. Okay, even a mute knows how to say "fuck you" using his own sign languages.. Man.. It sucks. Really. I hate myself for that.. And I just hate it when people start to judge. Like.. Imagine this situation.. You don't have anything much to say or just don't know what to say, but the other party expects you to say something. So you remain silent. Within a few minutes, the other party would then think that you're a low-life anti-social, who doesn't mix with others, and then go around telling everyone about it. Sheesh.. F-tart. (well, that's just the way they are, huh.. they never change.)

Well sometimes I just really feel like shutting myself off from the world. You know, like standing in the background and not getting involved. Just watch as the world goes round, as a spectator.. I wonder how this world would be if I cease to exist.. You know it's really interesting when you notice something that others don't.. Like how that girl looks at that guy secretly, and how that other guy reacts when he catches that girl looking at that guy secretly.. But then again, you know it's also frustrating when you can't stop observing the world around you.. Like you get stuck in your own dimension. Shit.

I need a spark. Just a tiny one. A tiny spark that'll set the world on fire.

Introversion's getting worst. Gotta break that barrier. Fast.

Note To Self:
confidence.
so hard to build,
so easy to collapse..

oh..
and sleep is also known as i'm awake.
my eyes are shut,
but i'm still aware of what's going on around me.

i'm in control..
i think.

this doesn't make sense..
this song tells it best.


reminisced;
- 9:15 PM

EL INTROVERTO

el introverto

Zakaria
Officially 19
Demure by nature
Straight, single and not-looking
Music & Audio Tech student at SP
Drums & percussions
Sinister Infants
Melodic punk rock

i am just the way i am. judge me for all you want. it doesn't matter. it didn't matter. it will not matter. be nice. and maybe with a wee bit of a miracle, i might just be whoever you want me to be.

THE SONG FOR YOU

THE WISHLIST

Get above 3.0 for 2nd year's GPA
Get that scholarship
Write a poetry compilation book
Finish writing the 3 songs
Record those 3 songs
That white electric guitar
New Zildjian drumsticks
Sinister Infants reunion
Perform on that homecoming event
Break this inner barrier
Tell her
Read her mind
Write her a goodbye-i'll-go-unless-you-stop-me song


THE WALL




THE HEROES AND HEROINES

Afiq
Ain
Amin
Amir
Angela
Arini
Aziz
Cerlyn
Crystal
Danial
Dayana
Dina
Elmo
Gazali
Imran
Iswan

Jali

Jethro

Joel
Jun Rong
Kak Nisa (cuzzin)
Kamilliya
Lenus
Liyana
Lloyd
Nafeesa
Namira
Naqib
Nisa
Radhiah
Radhiyah
Sakinah
Shafiq
Shakir
Sharina
Suhailah
Syafiqah
Syamil
Syima
Thaqif
Vicky
Wiwik
Zoul
Zubaidah



THE PAST

February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009


THE CREDITS

Designer GWEND
Brushes MISS M