Monday, May 19, 2008
The Marbles In Your Mouth
Been trying to update. But I couldn't find the right words to type. Heh. Bummer.. If only it's possible to pen down every single thoughts in our heads by simply thinking hard about it and staring at this laptop screen.. And then *POOF*, all your thoughts would appear on a Word document you just opened, and it'll be as good as how you type them all down. Heh. Wishful thinking..
Okay.. So what's been happening in my life.. Well, there's just too much to say, but all of which are like being left unsaid. Maybe they're better off unsaid. Or are they..? Heh.. Alright, maybe I'll share a bit or two.. It won't kill, right?
Hmmm.. I think I'm becoming more and more self-restrained, in the sense that I hardly speak my mind at all. Verbally. I don't know.. I feel like I'm no different than a mute. Okay, even a mute knows how to say "fuck you" using his own sign languages.. Man.. It sucks. Really. I hate myself for that.. And I just hate it when people start to judge. Like.. Imagine this situation.. You don't have anything much to say or just don't know what to say, but the other party expects you to say something. So you remain silent. Within a few minutes, the other party would then think that you're a low-life anti-social, who doesn't mix with others, and then go around telling everyone about it. Sheesh.. F-tart. (well, that's just the way they are, huh.. they never change.)
Well sometimes I just really feel like shutting myself off from the world. You know, like standing in the background and not getting involved. Just watch as the world goes round, as a spectator.. I wonder how this world would be if I cease to exist.. You know it's really interesting when you notice something that others don't.. Like how that girl looks at that guy secretly, and how that other guy reacts when he catches that girl looking at that guy secretly.. But then again, you know it's also frustrating when you can't stop observing the world around you.. Like you get stuck in your own dimension. Shit.
I need a spark. Just a tiny one. A tiny spark that'll set the world on fire.
Introversion's getting worst. Gotta break that barrier. Fast.
Note To Self:
confidence.
so hard to build,
so easy to collapse..
oh..
and sleep is also known as i'm awake.
my eyes are shut,
but i'm still aware of what's going on around me.
i'm in control..
i think.
this doesn't make sense..
this song tells it best.
reminisced;
- 9:15 PM