Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up: These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters Is just following your heart And eventually you'll finally get it right..
I've never had fun like these since quite a long time. Two days straight in a row. Though I'm tired with body cramps all over, I'm not complaining. Heh. At least these two days are the best two days that have ever happened to me, in two days.
Day 1 (Thursday): DMAT 01 class picnic at East Coast Park was awesome. The wind, the sea, the sound of the sea.. Everything was close to perfect. (which was a good thing, 'cuz apparently nuthin' in this world is perfect) Maybe it brought me temporary peace. Just sit there on the rocks, watching and listening to the waves crashing to the shore. Hmmm.. Oh, and I've never gained so much speed on my skateboard since...ever. It was heaven. I could go wherever I want, whenever I want, all by myself. Just be an escapist for a day. That cleared my mind off unpleasant thoughts. Away from reality for awhile. I'm a runaway boy, remember?
And don't forget. Everyone was great! The games, the food, etc.. It feels like a family bonding session.. Haha.. Oh well.. It'll all be kept safely in my memory.
Day 2 (Friday): It's a day all local music enthusiasts have been waiting for.. BAYBEATS 2008! All the bands who performed today were really very good. The line up was awesome too.. Force Vomit, Leeson, Peepshow, Typecast and... Another Epic Story. Hahaha.. Those three jackasses.. Reez just went crazy on stage; forgetting his lyrics, literally flying all over the place, making unnecessary visual jokes.. While One was just keeping his cool on his side of the stage with his screams. And Qai.. Well someone finds him rather hot.. Haha.. Sorry but he's attached. Heh. Overall, everyone did their awesomest.
Oh, and Force Vomit played Siti Don't Give Up. An old classic. Haha.. Love it.
Note To Self: these two days were a blast but i love today more.
and that paper container with all our wishes written in it, i just hope the river carried it away to some place where wishes are granted.. maybe a fairy or an angel would pick it up. heh. just wishful thinking..
but then, i know i wasted my wish 'cuz i know it won't happen. the chances are one in a biligazillion. that was why i included my favourite pick and a ten cent coin too. maybe that could increase my chances of getting my wish granted, to a one in a million, perhaps?
may all our wishes come true..
reminisced; - 1:24 AM
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Ire In Fire
That I could do this on my own. Now our perceptions have grown. Branches and petals of paper and metal. Amber tinfoil forest confines us.. And we disconnect like this is the end We disconnect like this is the end...
The trip to the 2 recording suites just now was awesome, I guess. Meeting real engineers who actually dedicate their lives doing this line.. Envious. How I envy them having such great talents for their passion.. Individuals with their own identity, that's what they are. I'm having doubts now. Questions starting to pop everywhere. Do I really want to do this? Am I really up for it? Will this dream last..?
I'm really done messing around. From now on, I should be thinking right. We live once, remember? I don't want to blow it. I know things won't turn out perfect, we're human afterall. I'm just going to try my best, and my end result wouldn't have to be perfect at all. I just want to achieve sumthin' that I'll be proud of. Perfectionism isn't really going to bring anyone close to happiness. (maybe for you, not me.) I'm just going to open up my mind to flaws, accept them as they are, then work things out from them and finally make things happen. What's the use of living perfect, under a monotonous system? Doing the right things, just because everyone else is doing it.. Sometimes we don't need to follow rules. Men make rules because they don't dare to take up the challenges of their consequences. Sometimes you've just got to clench that fist, build that confidence and break the walls of cowardice down. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. And from now on, I will. Savvy?
Note To Self: it doesn't matter anymore i can do this on my own.
should i still hold onto that hope? that one hope that you'll change your mind..
reminisced; - 11:57 PM
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Fiction
They say they can change today If tomorrow was yesterday But their faces betray the black words Just a breath away Caught up in their pollution And clinging to addictions It’s clear no truth They believe in fiction Hanging on fine thin threads Invisible to the eye All tangled up, Definitions of their lives..
I thought of doing sumthin' productive today. So, I meddled with html codes and hence, this new blogskin. Itchy fingers. Heh. Took me hours to figure out the right colour combo that suits the baroque-ish background. Oh well, at least sumthin's done today.
So.. What else was done today? Well, I spent the afternoon window shopping with my mum. Hmmm.. It's kinda cool actually to go out with your mum around. I mean, besides paying for most of the stuff most of the time, she also injects some shopping sense into me. Heh. (oh, and i didn't live off her purse. i didn't use a single penny from her to get myself anything at the mall.. except for that awesome finger-licking biscuit at Watsons..) Anyways... I think I should try spending more time hanging out with mum.. Yeah.. Maybe she could be that someone whom I could depend on to with my secrets... Hmmm.. Maybe not. But she's still cool, though.
I think playing computer games is a waste of time.. (heh.. no offense, gamers) So I gave up playing Silent Hill 2 last night. No, not because I couldn't kill that boss. It's because it kinda surprised me how fast time flies, and that I could be somewhere doing sumthin' else different.. Start a new hobby, read some articles, jog around the neighbourhood estate, exploring the different spots in Singapore that I haven't been to... There's just a lot of things to do. (now i realize..) And I can't be spending my whole 25hours playing some game in search of some random character in a town full of mutated monsters and demons. (it's actually cool, though..) I needed a plan, and I've got it. Until next Monday, I'm going to do all these. Well at least 1/4 of the list of things to do. Yep..
Note To Self: the hardest part isn't finding what we need to be, it's being content with who we are. stay who you are, zakaria..
reminisced; - 7:58 PM
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Catharsis
To whom the tragedy shall speak Let now their whispers be weak Let it fill them all The heart that's bound them Let eyes leak So profusely Shadows become unbound to them And let them love and feel joy As the sorrow they reap Let it well up in them for eternity And be to others a spring To drink from..
I hope this thing works again.. Been having that re-directing issue to some game website.. I don't know if you guys experienced it though. Well, on a brighter note, it's a good thing it doesn't relink you to some corny website. Heh.. Oh well..
Hmmm.. I think I might end up cracking my head afterall.. Come to think of it, he's right. I should start acting my age. It's not that I'm still childish, no. I think what he meant was that I should be thinking like how typical adults do? Okay, now that's the problem. He always makes me think. I know I can't be perfect, well at least not as perfect as him, but I do use my brains. I'm never complaining whenever I'm being nagged at. And that definitely doesn't show that I'm weak. No. That's because I don't want to fight back. Why? Because they've always brought me up to respect. Shit, I don't want to bring this matter up. I've never complained, and I never will.. Okay maybe I will one day when I'm really pushed to the ledge. But till then, my principle still stands: I won't raise my voice on him.
Note To You: you've raised me well, pups.. i just need you to know that i can't be like you i can try, though i almost got sick trying but i can't guarantee it'll be flawless and i just hate that you hate flaws and i hate myself whenever i'm nowhere near expectations..
give me a chance to prove myself worthy, will you?
reminisced; - 10:03 PM
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Story Of A Flame
Secrets and irises open the door To a pride of lions and murder of crows No one knows how it begins But I sure know how it'll end...
When they say old flames die hard, they really know what they're saying.. Okay, maybe the flame on that Olympic torch isn't that old, although it too die hard. And I would be lying if I were to say that I forgot my first love. Heh. That was way back then in late secondary 2.. Haha.. Monkey love. It was sweet as ever, though it was bitter-er than anything I've ever tasted. And I'm not blaming anyone for it's 'brevity'. We were all young and stupid. Okay, maybe not we, just I.
Yep, I don't think anyone really knows what love really stands for. It's definitely not for:
Look, Observe, Verify, Enjoy.
Well, that's what everyone seemed to be doing.. It's more to it than just those 4 letters.. At that time, why can't it be:
Listen, Overlook, Value, Encourage?
Oh well.. I guess we're too young to understand.. Maybe the term monkey see monkey do applies in this situation back then. Hmmm..
Maybe the flame of a friendship lasts longer than anything else.. It dies harder.
Note To Self: i'm the same old me you're the same old you it's awesome that we're back
and i love the rain..
reminisced; - 10:30 PM
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Army Of One
One word: heisonefreakinawesomedrummerdudethatwillblowyourmindoffyourbrain. Enough said.
reminisced; - 8:46 PM
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Fog
The sun is setting, a distant hill Pour the bottles at the horizon The water tower bleeds from the heat Paint the sun, guess my reaction No retreat, not even in sleep Days with a new direction
Take that step to the night Beyond all that has created you Dead, empty stares Strike back with the hate of a young man's heart Sing where you don't dare I'll meet you there We're the sunset in the end..
So the holidays are here.. Strangely now, I hardly feel a thing. Okay, now what? Stuck at home with hardly anything to do besides watching online tv shows, getting my ass kicked in video games, finding faults with my sis.. Hmmm.. And I just got some tragic news from my dad: there won't be monthly allowance for two months. Oh wow.. Great.
Note To Self: like dude, we really need a plan..
oh, and every time my phone beeps, i get all nervous but it turns out to be not from you..
maybe i should lay low for a while..
reminisced; - 11:50 PM
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Heretic
Inevitably It's starting to bleed And couldn't be stopped, that's justice Incredible luck, to lift and be struck What curious things..
Let us embrace the thought of going progressive. Heh. Yeah.. Once again, progressive math rock managed to bedazzle the mind of young-and-hopeless-but-not-stupid Zakaria. Okay, so The Sound Of Animal Fighting is awesome.
RX Bandits + Anthony Green + more members of other great bands = shibby.
Walking With Your Ghost is currently in the making. I hope it'll turn out as visioned. Heh. So I'm left with the lyrics, drums and everything else, perhaps? Well at least I've got the intro done. It's going to be progressive post-hardcore. Sweetos.
One more song is also in the making. And no, it won't be close to progressive at all. Just sumthin' laid back and acoustic. Hmmm.. Simple is the word. It's still untitled though. Verse 1 down. So maybe I'll be writing verse 2 tonight? Maybe..
Writing new material is tough now, I guess.. Especially with the presence of MX vs ATV: Unleashed in my laptop. Heh. (it's a dirt bike racing game by the way) So yeah.. Since I couldn't have a dirt bike, I might as well own a virtual one. It's a fair compensation. Yeaaah. Oh, and I might also end up writing songs about motocross racing..... Not. Okay, it's stupid. I won't even think about it.
Note To Self: zakk, we need a plan.
reminisced; - 8:03 PM
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The Escape
A library full of fictitious books A notebook full of dreams, I am. My head is a haven for the ideals That drool off your lips. An escape. Escape, I am.
Tomorrow's officially the last of school. Well technically.. Heh. I'd probably come back whenever I'm bored to work on stuff on Logic. A new project, maybe? Oh, and speaking of which, One still haven't give me a nudge regarding AES's recording. Hmmm.. I wonder how they're handling it, since the pc their studio used to store the session files crashed.. I just hope they managed to save and recover those sessions and that their EP could be released before their Baybeats set. I just hate system breakdowns.
School's out, and I guess I've got to get back to work. No, it won't be Delifrance again. I think I'm officially going to resign. Yeah, sign some paper, and get my $60 deposit.. I've got 2 jobs in mind, though. I think they're better left unsaid for now..
Oh yeah.. I totally forgot to mention yesterday's theory paper. Well.. It was 'in-control'. Heh. Except for the history MCQ part and that Happy Birthday song, everything's A-Okay. I'm expecting a C+. Too low, huh? Hmmm.. At least it's higher than C, which I keep getting for that module. And the higher my hopes go, the more lethal the fall. I don't want that to entirely destroy my 'growing passion' for music theory. Heh. Right.. Growing passion.. My foot. Hey, at least I've tried my best.. So yeah.. We'll all wait patiently for the results soon..
Now let's talk about today. Amin called during performance class, asking to hang out.. I kinda sensed sumthin's wrong. So I met him up at Civics Library.. We talked while we walked.. It's been a long time, dude.. Heh. We headed to Marina Square. Planned to go catch a movie. Someone hasn't watched Batman yet.. (nyiahaha..) Anyways, they're not showing The Dark Knight anymore.. (nyiahaha... oops. eherm.. sorry dude..) So we headed to Esplanade instead.. We toured around the library. And I found awesome mallet percussion technical studies and repertoires. Heh. Hmmm.. I might just change my profession instrument for performance class now.. Heh.. Anyways, I really had fun today. Just like the good old secondary school days.. Shibby.
Note To Amin: dude, i understand how you feel.. it always blows to be the underdog.. but never lose hope, man.. never give up trying. every problem has solutions to it. at the same time, don't blow your head off.. if i could do it, so can you.. so chill yeah..
and as for her, at least you still have a chance to go tell her.. it's never too late, yet. and you'll never know until you try.. well as for me i've tried, and i don't think i've any hope left to hold onto.. but you still do. go for it, dude. a friendly advice, just don't hold onto any high hopes that would kill you. it killed me.. i've had enough. i guess i'll be giving up on love now. and it'll take quite a miracle for me to feel the same again. we live once. die once. you've only got one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo.
reminisced; - 9:46 PM
Monday, August 11, 2008
The Wake Up Call
What home is left for us to find? When we have left the past behind, When we are left so little time…
Music theory test this Wednesday is so gonna be driving me into paranoid android mode. I've got to make it this time. And I don't wanna get all depresso again. Maybe I've had enough. It's always the case in which music theory test means its all downhill from here. I've got to prove to myself. Tonight, cover 4-part writing, 7th chords, cadences and a little bit music history.. Hopefully things get absorbed.
Note To Self: i shouldn't indulge myself in this work's got to come first for now okay maybe after wednesday i'll continue indulging myself again with these thoughts but now things have got to wait...
i miss you.
reminisced; - 11:22 PM
Saturday, August 9, 2008
The Rewind Button
Note To You: hey.. i'm sorry maybe i didn't think the last time maybe i was too driven by emotions but now i understand.. you just woke me up and you taught me a lot about life about family about being responsible about being appreciative...
don't worry everything's going to be alright.. like i told you umpteen times: everything happens for a reason
so don't worry, i'll catch you when you fall
"i don't think i ever told you but i know you always did your best. and the hard times, they only made us stronger.."
"do you ever feel like crying? do you ever feel like giving up? i raise my hands up towards the sky, i say this prayer for you tonight, because nothing is impossible.."
"if you just hold on for one more second just hold on to what you have if you just hold on, just hold on you will wake up tomorrow.."
those lyrics are so true and they speak for me
maybe i can't hold you maybe i can't change the way you feel about me but i know i can try make you feel better and i'll always be there to give you a hand..
my ears are always open if you need a target to scream at.. and i won't ask for anything back, i promise.. ;)
reminisced; - 9:49 PM
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The Optimistic Pessimist
Note To Self: alright.. i think i've made up my mind i'll stop playing this game again falling in love, falling apart it always goes that way i've had enough and it's making me sick like literally i went for my medical check up yesterday just to check the frequent migraines and chest discomforts its nuthin serious well that's what i heard i was actually expecting sumthin much worst oh well.. my time's not up yet, i guess
and as for you, i just hope you meant every word you said just now and i hope the things i said to you will make you think and don't worry, i won't bring up this matter ever again that sms i sent to you moments ago would be the last time i'll touch about this matter at least now i know where i stand and i won't be dreaming of chasing a shadow speaking of which, i knew those dreams of you meant sumthin they're just a reminder
you're lucky i'm not like them i'm a man of second chances i won't hold anything back, that i promise i won't change a bit and like i told you, i'll still be the Zakaria you knew
and it's okay
but just in case anything happens, when i'm gone, i just hope you'll remember me...
friends? friends.. ;)
reminisced; - 11:41 PM
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Heartbreak
Note To Self: i know it will happen some day, but i've never thought it'll be this soon.. things just happen so damn fast, so fast i didn't get a chance to react..
hmmm.. i've been digging my own grave from the start yes i know, and i shouldn't have pushed my luck this far i've been digging it in too deep now, and as predicted, the deeper the hole, the deeper and harder the fall..
and i'm always the stupid one making the stupid moves.. i should've known it wasn't a good idea to give her that gift i shouldn't have done all those stupid things just to make her that gift well, i thought maybe a little huge sacrifice would make her happy and she doesn't even have to know what i went through for it i'm not asking for anything back in return too well at least a smile from the heart, maybe? if i'd known better, i would've just stick to that candy and maybe things wouldn't end up this way..
i never knew speaking my mind would make a big difference yes things changed, for the worst of the worst.. and why do people change so easily? hmmm i wonder.. the change is so drastic that i don't feel like i know that person any more
(now who's avoiding who now? i'm not them, remember?)
i shouldn't have followed my heart to tell her the truth heh.. just as i thought i've built enough confidence to finally tell a girl how i felt.. imagine free falling without a parachute from the KLCC tower.. *splat*
anyways thanks friends for all the motivation to that someone in my tagboard it really boosted my confidence to tell her heh.. after a very long time, zakaria... since end of sec 2, maybe? but then all that confidence just disappear. like you press the reset button in a game, only to find out you haven't saved yet..
now back to square one.. you're not the same.. i should've known.. some things are better left unsaid..
how i wish i was a mute it'll be easier, won't it?
well done, zakaria.. kudos for your stupidity.
okay now someone throw me a rope..
[ps: i just hope she found that hidden note behind the CD.. or maybe found out about this blog so she could read everything i wrote since day one.. but then again, some things are just better not to be known.. she won't understand anyway.. and i'm not asking her to be my girlfriend.. just someone whom i could turn to through my ups and downs... if only she understands...]
reminisced; - 9:19 PM
Saturday, August 2, 2008
The Twist In His Story
Well sometimes things just don't go the way they're planned, and the planner always hates himself when such things happens.. Hmmm.. I guess we're only human.. Who are we to determine everything.. ? God knows best.. And I've always believe that everything happens for a reason.. Oh well..
Sorry.. I don't think I'll blog about it.. You see, when people tell stuff, they feel light. The feeling is like their so called 'burden' is finally off their shoulders, and soon they'll totally forget all about it.. And I damn well won't want to forget about it. It has got to leave a mark in my life. It's the first time I did something out of one's ordinary mind. Oh and even if I write about it, I doubt anyone would believe it happened. So yeah.. Everything happens for a reason..
ps: Happy 18th birthday, Emma.. :]
Note To Self: one humid night one blurry sight one gift of sweat and tears one million feelings of hopes and fears one boy one mission one strong intuition 2 whole hours 9 bystanders 13 over missed calls one heart shatters
but it won't pull me down again my gameboy theory: hero dies - game over - reset - load saved game - restart level
reminisced; - 8:16 PM
EL INTROVERTO
Zakaria
Officially 19
Demure by nature
Straight, single and not-looking
Music & Audio Tech student at SP
Drums & percussions
Sinister Infants
Melodic punk rock
i am just the way i am.
judge me for all you want.
it doesn't matter.
it didn't matter.
it will not matter.
be nice. and maybe with a wee bit of a miracle,
i might just be whoever you want me to be.
THE SONG FOR YOU
THE WISHLIST
Get above 3.0 for 2nd year's GPA
Get that scholarship
Write a poetry compilation book
Finish writing the 3 songs
Record those 3 songs
That white electric guitar New Zildjian drumsticks Sinister Infants reunion Perform on that homecoming event Break this inner barrier Tell her
Read her mind
Write her a goodbye-i'll-go-unless-you-stop-me song
