Saturday, October 4, 2008
The Embrace
First and foremost, I'd like to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Yeah, I know it's like the 4th day already now. But who cares. Heh. Well, as I expected, this year's celebration isn't as happening. No mood for house visits, no mood for firecrackers.. Hmmm.. And I only went out raya-ing with the whole family on the first day. Maybe I'm growing old for this. Haha.. I feel old. And that isn't a good thing. Hmmm... But at least I still had the mood to bake those cookies and help out with the food. Oh those lovely food...
First day of raya.. Hmmm.. Well, all I can say is that I'm grateful it happened. Put aside all ego, I came clean with him. I just had to raise the matter. And I'm really glad he understood. When we embraced, it was the best feeling one could ever have. I gave him my word, and it'll be sumthin' I'll hold onto forever; a son's oath.
Oh.. And as for them, heh.. Good thing there wasn't any trouble. That reunion at the first house turned out to be smooth. Still.. Hmmm.. I just don't get it how people could be such hypocritically good actors. Kudos to them.. Sheesh! Grow up, people! How do you clan expect us to feel secure, when you guys are being so cold towards us? And oh.. I still don't know if those tears were real.. Hmmm.. I just couldn't tell. It's just so hard to believe.
Hmmm.. Enough about them. I don't feel like giving a damn anymore. Adults you are, brains you have; use them you must, and respect you'll get.
Close topic.
Class time table for next semester is out. And I've decided. School, recreation and work can go together. Yup, it'll be tiring. But I just need to do it. I'm thinking long term now. I need a plan, and I've got it. I'll be a man on a mission. Yup. I don't want to depend solely on parents. I need to start organizing myself. 3 more months and I'll be 19. And that isn't a good number. Who knows, mum might be looking for suitors soon. Ergh.. Scary. By the way, a friend is married now. At 22?! Like 3 years older than me? Marriage is now officially a taboo word in my dictionary, besides NS.
Okay. 3 songs in the making. 1 almost complete, 2 under heavy construction. And haha.. I think I'm going to scrap the idea of that progressive mathcore song. It made me go cuckoo. Man, I was like going everywhere counting weird numbers with a metronome stuck in my head. I decided to just stick to melodic punk rock. Maybe explore into mainstream pop or sumthin'. And I'm working on lyrics writing techniques. Heh. Reading more books and watching more movies to get ideas. Speaking of which, I learnt sumthin' during the hols: the science of crying when watching a Hindustani movie. Haha.. Well I managed to catch someone red-handed, who did cried while watching this film on tv. Quite funny actually. Haha.. Oh well. I'll be working on those 3 songs. Maybe they might be hits on the radio. Heh. Keep wishing, Zakaria..
Note To Self:
hmmm..
i feel lighter now
but then,
there's a slight taste of regret too..
that meet last thursday wasn't supposed to be that way
i wasn't suppose to laugh or smile when i said those words
it's hard to be serious when you're all smiling
hmmm..
actually i've got a lot more to say to you
well maybe the situation wasn't right
some things just have to wait
or better still, left unsaid.
that text message i sent you might just be the clue
i just hope you like those raya cookies i made
heh..
they didn't quite turn out as planned
but yeah..
there's always the trash bin, friend..
"to let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
to let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization i can't control another.
to let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
to let go is to fear less and love more.."
reminisced;
- 2:47 AM
